The Red Apple Condition
by genki-escapist
Summary: It's Dress-Up and Make-Believe Night at the Fowler-Cooper home and Snow White needs a kiss, but the Prince is presently occupied.


**Author's Note:** This plot bunny isn't so much plot as "oh, maybe this is happening." Shout-out to Tumblr people.

**The Red Apple Condition**

The circumstances were most inconvenient for Sheldon, but Dress-Up and Make-Believe Night couldn't be skipped. It was Albert's turn to pick the theme, and he chose Snow White because "apples are nasty, disgusting, blech-tasting things that could kill anyone!" Amy applauded the choice and dug out her old Snow White costume—the sight of the princess dress still perfectly fitting her curves momentarily distracted Sheldon from his drafting. He mentally scolded himself and turned back to his laptop, trying to tune out Lena's chants of "Hi-ho, hi-ho!" as she marched into the family room with her twin. They wore pajamas with matching night caps; between the two of them, they held five stuffed animals, each one wearing a triangular origami hat.

"Shall we begin?" Amy asked, picking up their book of fairy tales and turning to Lena with a princess-like flair; their daughter eagerly grabbed it and leafed through the pages.

"Wait," Albert said. "Daddy isn't in costume yet, we don't have a prince." He shuffled to Sheldon's side and looked up with hopeful blue eyes.

Sheldon swallowed, opened his mouth to explain his non-participation… and failed, acutely aware of how their son's guileless expression was similar to Amy's… and how he found it difficult to say 'no' to her when she looked at him that way.

"Albert," she called gently. "Daddy's busy working on a paper right now, so while I know you're partial to the Disney version of the tale with Snow White meeting the prince for a musical number in the beginning, we'll have to do with a version that only features the prince in the ending. Of course," she eyed him meaningfully, "Daddy will be joining us then."

He cleared his throat. "It depends… it's imperative that I get the draft finished by tomorrow." She smirked at him as if to say, _oh, you'll join us alright._

"Yeah, leave Daddy alone, Boo-Boo," Lena piped up.

Albert pouted, "But Nanaaaa—"

"Daddy's worried that Mister Doctor Kripke will beat him, so he has to work hard," the girl twin said knowingly. Sheldon frowned at that statement while Amy bit her lip, visibly stifling giggles.

"Ohhhh…" the boy twin blinked up at Sheldon.

He shook his head. "Now Albert, I'll have you know that's not—"

"Sorry Daddy, I'll leave you alone now." Albert scurried away and plopped on the floor beside his sister.

Sheldon turned his attention back to his laptop… or tried to, as Lena read from the book, Albert fittingly changed his voice while wearing Amy's tiara or brandishing Sheldon's light saber as the Queen or the Huntsman, and Amy perfectly played her part as the sweet, beautiful princess… by the time the twins and their five stuffed animals found her sleeping on the couch, Sheldon realized his hands had left the keyboard. He clapped a palm on his forehead and hunched closer to the screen. _Focus, Cooper!_

At a loud thud, he jerked up. He looked over his shoulder to see Albert sprawled on the floor, wrapped in one of his own hand-weaved ponchos and Amy rushing to help; apparently, Albert had tripped on the too-long garment.

"Are your hands hurt?" Lena whispered anxiously.

"No, but I think the apple is." He pointed at the apple he had dropped on the floor.

"Don't worry baby, we have more." Amy grabbed the bruised apple and disappeared in the direction of the kitchen.

Sheldon breathed a sigh of relief. _Those three... they really shouldn't be so lively about playing while I'm working here. _Another voice in his head snapped: _If you didn't want to be here, you'd be working in the study._ He glanced over his shoulder. Amy had brought back a new apple for Albert, and the boy waved it in the air.

"Dearie," Albert cackled in an impressively witchy voice, "would you like to have this yucky, awful, throw-up-making—"

"Boo-Boo!" The girl twin barked, slapping the book for emphasis. "It's supposed to be delicious."

The boy twin grimaced and said: "Would you like to have this supposed-to-be-delicious apple?"

"Why thank you, old lady who I've never met before and who children shouldn't trust because she's a complete stranger. I'll take the ill-advised action of accepting this apple and eating it." Amy took the apple and bit it. ("Blech." Albert gagged.) Then she fell into the couch so suddenly, that Sheldon jumped off his seat.

Amy peeked at him. "Come, join us my prince."

He felt his eye twitch as he settled back on his chair. "I'm working…"

"All Snow White needs to wake up is one kiss…"

"Mommy, you're not supposed to be talking!" Lena instructed.

"Oh, sorry." She winked at Sheldon then closed her eyes. "Snow White won't wake."

Albert threw off the poncho, pulled on his dwarfish night cap, and collapsed by her feet, crying: "Nooooo, Snow White! Poor Snow White. I told you, apples are bad."

Arranging herself and the stuffed animals around Amy, Lena declared: "And the dwarves were very, very, very sad, because Snow White won't wake up. How sad are they?"

"This sad." Carefully, Albert took his violin case from one of the shelves and placed his violin in position. He started playing _Mélodie_ from _Orfeo ed Euridice_.

Sheldon bolted off his seat, scattering stuffed animals in his wake, as he swooped down to kiss Amy then scooped her in his arms.

She chuckled. "So, what made my prince come?"

"That's a very sad song, and it was very sad how Orpheus lost Eurydice, and it made me sad thinking that my Snow White wouldn't wake up." He kissed her again, longer this time, and when it ended, he kept his lips upon hers.

"Umm, Sheldon?" She murmured against him.

"Hmm?"

She grabbed his chin and directed his gaze downwards. The twins were watching them: Lena snorting with laughter and Albert staring with round eyes, cooing: "Oooh."

Sheldon set Amy back on her feet and said loudly: "Snow White and the Prince live happily ever after, that ends the story, and now it's time for little children to go to bed, if they wish to wake up bright-eyed, without their cognitive skills impaired by lack of sleep."

As one, they whined: "But Daddyyyy… Mommyyyy, five more minutes, can we, can we, please?"

"I don't think so." She crouched to pick up one of them and Lena leapt into her arms, leaving Sheldon to take Albert.

"I want Mommy too," Albert sighed. Sheldon furrowed his brow in mock anger, but the boy didn't even seem to notice. "Nana, you always get Mommy, it's not fair."

"You're slow," the girl twin retorted. "This is called survival of the fittest." Amy grinned proudly at the reference as their daughter nuzzled against her neck.

The boy twin stuck out his lower lip. "Mommyyyy…"

"Alright," Sheldon threw Albert over his shoulder, then took Lena with his free arm and threw her over his other shoulder. "Now both of you don't get Mommy." Albert aww-ed, and Lena grr-ed, and Sheldon carried them to the nursery, Amy walking beside him.

Lena was still harrumphing as they made their way up the stairs, so Amy brought up a hand to stroke her forehead. "And what will you choose as the theme of the next Dress-Up and Make-Believe Night?"

Sheldon felt the girl twin bob excitedly. "The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess! Mommy will be Zelda."

"Oh good, you have that costume from a past Comic-Con and I have Link's," Sheldon told Amy.

"You're not Link, Daddy, I'm Link," Lena said. "You're Ganondorf."

"What?!"

"What about me?" Albert asked.

"Boo-Boo's Jigglypuff," Lena said.

"Oh, good!" he clapped.

"What's Jigglypuff doing in the Zelda universe?" Sheldon muttered.

She yawned. "They're all Nintendo anyway..."

They kissed and tucked in the twins by order of birth: first Lena, then Albert. Before leaving, Sheldon wanted to clarify one thing. "By the way, it's not true that Dr. Kripke will beat me, okay?"

"Really, Daddy?" Albert tilted his head thoughtfully, then nodded. "Of course, you're the best. Right?"

"Right." Lena nodded. She stuck out her tongue. "I was just kidding, Daddy."

He smiled at the twins, before switching off the light and closing the door. "Well, looks like you have a long night ahead of you," Amy said. "Good luck with the paper." As soon as she turned, he seized her wrist and whirled her back around.

"A long night is right. I'm not letting Snow White just go back to sleep after going to the trouble of waking her up." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh?" she traced his shirt collar. "But you and Kripke are supposed to submit that paper next week, and the draft isn't done, and you still have to revise…"

"Phooey, he'd understand." His hands traveled lower, down to her behind, making her gasp.

"Okay then, looks like I'll make you come, my prince," she giggled.

"Amy! We have little children in the house, you can't use that language outside the bedroom—" her kiss effectively shut him up; he responded eagerly and backed her down the hall to their room, impatient to take that appealing princess dress off her.


End file.
